Balloons and darts

I feel like I'm playing a game at the moment. I have balloons arranged all nicely in a big, round circle and I'm popping each one with a dart. Left, right, top, bottom. I'm hitting balloons all around the centre balloon but never the centre balloon itself. It's still floating there, right in front of me, waiting to be popped.

I can't bring myself to pop it though, because I'm afraid the bang might hurt my ears.

Stab in the dark

I feel like I'm having a stab in the dark here. I don't really have any idea what is going on - what really is true? what really is not? So many questions, yet I find myself with so little answers.

***

On another note, I just saw how...stupid, if that's the right word, we can be when we let our feelings decide what to do as opposed to our brain. (though I'm not saying we can't act on how we feel sometimes) but even when we know full well the consequences that await us if we choose to do something, we can conveniently disregard this fact and decide to go ahead and do what we were told not to do anyways. Ahhh well, its not me, so let's hope my brother doesn't get owned by my mum tomorrow, which is about as unlikely as the sun rising from the east.

Idiot.

Please, no more

The aftermath from the storm just gets better and better. Even MORE stuff damaged. sigh.
why does it all have to happen when my parents are away?

Changing perceptions

It's funny how the perceptions that you have can change so easily and more importantly, so differently. I've felt two different ends of the scale.

I guess all that matters in the end is which side you look at it from. I'm not standing on the good side at the moment.

Busy busy

It's been awhile again since I last blogged and I have to say I have been flat out trying to fit everything into such a small amount of time. There just isn't enough time in one day to do everything that I have to do and find time to procrastinate and sleep well. I seem to have a never-ending pile of uni work to do, work work, tutoring (and I just got myself another student tonight which might not have been the best idea but hey its another student, yay!) and housework.

On top of all that, there is my dad's stuff that I have to worry about and as if this wasn't enough, there was a freak hail storm on monday that left me with a cracked windscreen, heaps of dents on my car, flooding in my house so now the carpet and ceiling is water damaged and a ton of phone calls to insurance to get everything sorted.

Thankfully, I've managed to get all that sorted out, though I've had (and will need) to skip uni to wait for the people to come and have a look. sigh. all that catching up to do. If only I could somehow split myself into two. Strangely though, I'm just taking it all in even though I feel stressed physically. and I guess it's a good learning experience too, though I'll be glad when I can pass the reins back to my parents when they come back, which can't be soon enough.

***

On an unrelated note, finally.

Lights Off

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
It's you that I'm missing
It's like my brain is wired up
and there's a glitch in my system
You're like a drug and now my blood won't stop itching
I'm in critical condition
someone let me out of this prison
It's like my mind is playing tricks on me lately
I could of sworn that you are still my baby
I'm on a merry-go-round
going around, driving me crazy

That's why it feels like
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
won't somebody, anybody
please just turn the lights on
I won't take one step
I can't see what's coming next
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
can't see at all (at all, at all, at all)
can't see at all (no, oh no)
can't see at all (at all)
cause it's like somebody just turned all the lights off

I don't understand how one minute I just had it all
now I can't reach you cos I'm tied up with this straight jacket on
I can't breathe (breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe)
I can't see (see, see, see, see, see, see, see)
It's like my mind is playing tricks on me lately
I could of sworn that you are still my baby
I'm on a merry-go-round
going around, driving me crazy

That's why it feels like
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
won't somebody, anybody
please just turn the lights on
I won't take one step
I can't see what's coming next
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
can't see at all (at all, at all, at all)
can't see at all (no, oh no)
can't see at all (at all)
cause it's like somebody just turned all the lights off

Used to see my world in color girl
when you left me it's like my world turned gray
turn my winter into summer girl
why won't you help me turn night to day
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think at all
honestly it feels like I ain't living no more
can't say no more, can't see no more

Baby that's why it feels like
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
won't somebody, anybody
please just turn the lights on
I won't take one step
I can't see what's coming next
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
can't see at all (at all, at all, at all)
can't see at all (no, oh no)
can't see at all (at all)
cause it's like somebody just turned all the lights off

Dream a little dream of me

Stars shining bright above you.
Night breezes seem to whisper, 'I love you,'
Birds singing in the sycamore tree.
Dream a little dream of me.

Say nighty-night and kiss me.
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear,
Still craving your kiss.
I'm longing to linger 'till dawn, dear,
Just saying this:

Sweet dreams 'till sunbeams find you,
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams, whatever they be.
Dream a little dream of me.

I quite like this song. Every time I listen to it or catch a snippet of it, it always manages to bring a slight smile to my face.

♫ Dream a little dream of me... ♫

Roll the dice

I'm a pretty cautious and conservative person; I know I avoid taking risks if I can and try to eliminate all or most of the risks so if I lose, it doesn't hurt that much. This usually doesn't work though and I end up just doing nothing because I'm not prepared to risk it all.

This gives me a dilemma then. Just how much am I willing to risk this time when I have a fair idea of what might happen if the dice are rolled?

Don't think, just feel

I wish I could remove the clutter in my mind.

To be able to not think at all, nor find the need to think.
To be able to forget about all that is bothering me nor the things that need to be done.
To be able to just take in everything around me and feel free, even if for a moment only.

Note to self

Stop dwelling on and living in the past; life will keep moving on and no-one is going to stay behind and wait for you.

Look in front, not behind you.