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Y	A	S	E	T	F	L	I	E	Q	S	C
L	O	N	P	K	E	C	E	J	K	D	K
H	V	U	Q	T	Z	D	Y	S	Z	R	Y
M	M	U	T	G	J	M	Y	L	C	O	O
B	L	E	M	R	F	S	N	D	O	W	S
P	R	Y	D	D	B	M	X	X	V	J	D
S	E	A	I	N	Y	Z	T	H	G	I	E
S	T	E	C	I	T	S	D	L	F	F	Q
T	I	Y	R	G	T	E	B	Q	T	R	D
D	L	F	T	H	V	W	X	H	M	D	Y
Y	L	T	Y	O	T	Q	O	W	I	R	K
Z	I	U	L	W	I	B	G	N	M	T	B

Rage

Someone backed into my effing car tonight. There's a massive dent now on the right bumper.

GFG.

Abandon

Shake it off. Leave it behind. It won't lead you anywhere so why bother???

Good question.

Be careful

You should never get your head so far stuck up in the clouds that you can't see what's going on on the ground.

Why?

Because next thing you know, you're falling a long way down because you couldn't see that the next step you were taking was actually thin air.

Splat.

Wedding dress

My brother showed me this cover of Wedding Dress today. It's a pretty awesome version.

Cycle

Over-thinking => uncertainties => indecisiveness => over-thinking

and we're right back to where we started.

Trust

to show confidence and faith in something or someone.

How much trust should you invest in the people around you?
Is it foolish to just blindly trust everyone around you and expect that trust to be repaid?

The basis for a working friendship, relationship, whatever, is trust though, right? I guess the key then is finding the right balance between trusting too much and revealing too little. And hoping that the people you've placed your trust in don't come back and bite you in the ass.

Whirlpool

Just watch me fly outta this.

Quote Unquote #4

"You are the distance between the way things are and the way I want them to be."

I think, in your circumstances, you'd agree with this.

In and out

I wonder if anything has changed, but it doesn't seem as hard as I envisaged it to be anymore.

Drop in. Drop out.

Betray

It's the little things you do that betray you.

Strange

It might sound strange, but suddenly 6 more weeks of holidays doesn't seem so good anymore. I don't think I can take another 6 weeks consisting of nights like tonight which involve doing nothing at all.

Ironic though that it was only a couple of weeks back I was dying to get away from uni.

We are such fickle creatures.

Quote Unquote #3

"Don’t you hate that? Uncomfortable silence. Why do we feel it’s necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable? That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence."

Quote Unquote #2

"When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through"

Step back

Do you ever get that feeling where you feel lost and confused?

You wonder, and you start questioning yourself.
are you doing something that you want?
what is it that you really want?
are you heading in the right direction?
what is your place in this world?
what is the meaning of life?

Most of the time, these questions remain unanswered and you are what you were before - lost and confused and you just trudge along hoping that maybe, just maybe, someone will be able to answer your questions.

Maybe we place too much emphasis on trying to figure these questions out, and forget that the learning journey is important in itself too. I guess we really need to let go sometimes, loosen up, go with the flow, and just try to enjoy life and only worry about problems when they come along.

Here's a suggestion...

You're so full of shit you know, so just toughen up a little, okay?

Finished

Done. Dusted. Finally.

Free.

...

"I need to go to the toilet now - to poo" - Annie Lei

Sugar coating

Sugar coat these words and you're just rather innocent.

Putting it bluntly, and you're just plain stupid.

Easy

Life is not easy.

Life will never be easy - and nothing in life will ever come easily.

You have to work for it, put effort into it, put your time and energy into it and be prepared to make sacrifices. There will be hurdles that you must overcome, and barriers that you must knock down as well in order to get whatever it is that you wanted in the first place. In the end though, despite all that you've put in, things might not turn out the way that you planned them - or wanted them to; your sacrifices have not been rewarded [enough].

But no, you don't stop trying, you don't give up, you continue making the very same sacrifices and more, but the result is still the same. The same problems are still there.

So then you start thinking of giving up - you've had enough of everything happening over and over again.

When though, is enough, "enough"?
When do we tell ourselves that we can no longer take it anymore?
When is it time for us to walk away and call it quits?

New car...

...is coming on wednesday. FINALLY. It's the same one as what I had (black mitsubishi colt) but since insurance is paying for it all, there won't be any complaints from me.

Can't wait til wednesday comes round.

Happy Birthday

I managed to totally forget about your birthday last year. But not this year - nope. So dedicating this post just to you. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUAN!! I hope this makes up for my forgetful-ness last year. Have an amazing day and go easy on the alcohol!

CAD

CAD CAN GO SCREW ITSELF. OMFG 3 HOURS OF WORK ALL GONE BECAUSE SOLIDWORKS CRASHED.

Edit: IT WENT AND CRASHED AGAIN. OMFG FML.

I just realised ...

I think the person who slapped me is actually really pretty.

I know...

...you're a decent person, so don't prove me wrong.

Stubborn

I think I'm a lot more stubborn than I would like to admit, not to mention rather..."prideful"...if that's the right word to use. I usually refuse to do anything if I feel like I'm being forced to do it or if I'm unwilling. It's another one of my bad habits, and at times, it's also extremely stupid. In hindsight, nearly every single time I do this, it always turns out to be a stupid decision. Better to swallow that pride and do the smart thing instead of feeling like an idiot afterwards.

Rain

I really like the sound of rain. The constant pitter patter of each water droplet falling is strangely soothing and comforting. I find that it's almost entrancing like, and it's so easy to just lie there and do nothing but listen to each drop of rain fall.

And isn't it funny how something as simple as this can make you feel so content and happy?

Bloop bloop

I found this facebook group really funny. It made me laugh so much when I saw it.

And no, I'm not violent at all.

P.S. to the person that slapped me on the face today, I suggest you watch your face too.

Chin up

Chin up. Chin up!

Even when the going gets tough, try to find the humour in everything despite the fact that it may seem to be beyond you. It will actually make things that much better.

***

On an unrelated note, my civil lecturer is so angry! She raged at some people that were talking in the lecture I was watching tonight. She also has no sense of time because she always goes overtime - so much so that lectopia even cut off before she finished.

Bad habits

I have a few bad habits that I want to get rid of. Maybe putting it down into words will help me break these habits.

1. Sleep more - getting less than 5 hours sleep per night really isn't healthy and I end up not being able to stay awake and concentrate at uni the next day. It's something I need to seriously fix.
2. Take a break, no seriously, I need a break.
3. Keep a lid on the swearing, though usually this only happens when I get frustrated over my inability to do some uni question...
4. ...which brings us to point 4, sort of. To try and keep a better grip on all that irritation that seems to lie so close to the surface these days, making me unable to put up with any crap at all
5. Smile more, instead of...not smiling?
6. Spend less, which I think is actually going to be pretty hard.
   

and that, hopefully, will be all for now.

The silver lining

hahahahaha.

hahahaha.

hahaha.

haha.

ha. ha. ha.

How ironic.

Hope

Remember, there is always hope - all you gotta do is keep believing.

This one's for you

I realised today when you sent me back my micro essay (after you had edited out all the horrible bits) just how lucky I am to have a friend like you (and not just because you edit my essays, but that is a plus).You are always, always, always there for me when I need you - to make me laugh when I'm sad, to listen to me when I need to talk, to share in my joy when I'm feeling happy - whenever I need you, you are there, and more. I really can't imagine my life without you and you make everything just that tiny bit easier to bear. I really appreciate you being there (even when you make jokes about my sexuality) and I think this is something I don't tell you enough.

So this one's for you and I hope you like it.
Thank you, quan. Thank you.

Quote Unquote #1

"It would be so nice if something made sense for a change."

Something I found somewhere and I rather agree with it, especially with maths. I tried to study for maths tonight but didn't end up getting very much done. I am so confused. In hindsight, perhaps I should have cut out all that procrastination and tried to take the day off work on saturday so I wouldn't be feeling so stressed right now...or awake at 3 again.

Monday is going to be so much fun.

Pointless much...?

Some people really have WAY too much time on their hands. GET A LIFE. whoever you are.

That is all.

Memories

Isn't it ironic that the memories that you consider important are the ones that you don't seem to remember at all? Even when you scrunch your eyes up and try as hard as you can, those important memories seem to be beyond you, just slightly out of reach.

On the other hand, the memories that have no significance at all - trivial matters - are the ones that you seem to remember most clearly and have no trouble bringing to mind.

How weird.

How about this....

You are so smart sometimes that you manage to surprise even yourself.

Good going there.

Tick Tock

A recurring topic in my previous posts, but I need more time. I realised just how little time I actually have to get up to date with everything. Tuesday is looking way too close for my liking.

Sigh. I miss the joy of having the time to just not do anything but whittle away your time mindlessly.

I'm Yours

I got shown this cute little video today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErMWX--UJZ4

I really like the part when the kid gets an itch on his face and he starts pulling faces to try and stop the itching. In the end he has to stop playing the guitar and scratch his face with his hand.

It made me smile; It made me laugh.

Thank you.

Close my eyes

"We will see only what we want to see"

If I pretend I don't see, then I can pretend there is nothing, right?

Thank you

A special thank you to angeline for organising that small gathering yesterday and to everyone else that came and alvin for offering his place. It was quite fun. Thank you people!

False dawn.?!(??)

I think it's probably a bit too quick to judge, but I cannot help but wonder whether it is a false dawn on the horizon.

And yes, the photo is a bit fail.

And...

...my mum is back. I can say hello to proper food and less stress.

Finally.

Anticipation

In an hour and a half, I will have a parent again. I cannot wait.

To do...

I've taken a liking to making lists lately. It somehow gives me the (false) feeling that I'm on top of everything that needs to be done. So...

1. Civil: do assignment 8 and tutes 17-20
2. Maths: watch and make notes for the last 4 lectures and do the problem sets and workshops for the last two weeks
3. Micro: make notes for the last two lectures and start the 1500 word essay
4. Itf: do study plan for chapter 6 and 7, do chapter 7 test and start the group assignment
5. Mech: (hopefully) build device A and B by sunday so we can do test runs and not fail like last time.

Now all I have to do is just do as my list says, which is easier said than done.

For those that I missed...

1. Sum up the courage and take the plunge. Like I said, it's always better to say something than say nothing.
   
2. You are always there to give me the advice I need - thanks for being there when I needed those few encouraging words.
3. You always have my back when I need it - thanks bro.
   

Depressing day

It's been a depressing day today. Completely botched the warman trial 2 and ended up with a fail score. If only all those levels of stress and hours of sleep lost the night before actually translated to something worthwhile. *sigh* better luck next time I guess.

P.S. Just think of MA. It'll cheer you up.

11 things to 8 people...

...because some people are worth more than one comment.

1. I have so much fun with you.
   
2. You are not going to be my best man at my wedding. End of story.
3. I want to know what's going on inside your head.
4. You really are a lot smarter than I give you credit for. Edit: You're pure genius man.
   
5. All you're missing is just a bit more self confidence.
6. I hope everything works out for you. Be patient!
7. I hope you can find what you're looking for. Have faith.
8. Thank you for always being there for me all these years, whether it's just to give me a hand or listen to me talk - your presence has always been appreciated a lot.
9. One word. Awesome; need I say more?
10. I should really put more effort and be a better friend to you.
11. I haven't said this to you, but I do cherish you as a friend.
    

Dum di dum

The title says it all.

Unexpected

Life is full of unexpected surprises - and usually when you are least prepared for it.

I definitely didn't see this coming, but sometimes, the best things in life are the ones that catch you by surprise, right?

On a related note, it's amazing how much things can change in just two short weeks.

Note

Dear self,

Don't freak yourself out - keep it cool.

That is all.

Psyche!

SURPRISE!

I need....

1. A break
2. A holiday
3. A time away from everything
   
4. More sleep
5. More energy
   
6. More time
   
7. More patience

Most of this is just wishful thinking though.

Time

Time is precious and there is not enough time to spare. So let's not waste it and dawdle. Go on - keep walking now.

The first step

A friend gave me this little moral story.

Two monks were walking, when they came to a fast flowing river. As they started to cross, a young woman standing at the river's edge asked if they would help her cross too. The first monk said, "Absolutely not," and started across the river. The second monk simply picked her up and carried her, after which he set her down and continued on his way. Five miles later, the first monk, who had been quietly fuming all this time, said to the second monk, "How could you possibly have done that? We have both taken a vow to never touch a woman." The second monk replied, "Brother, I picked her up, carried her to the other side and set her down again. But you have been carrying her for the last five miles." To live each day in ways you are proud to remember set down the things that burden you. Do what you need to do and then let them go.

I guess it's about time I let it go. And I think I finally took the first step tonight.

A little less sombre...

And for my second post of the day, this weekend in sport hasn't been very good for my teams.

First, the eagles lost by 3 points to port when they really should have won the game (and the 1st round for that matter) and then Deccan also got walloped by Mumbai in cricket. To cap it off, the dockers also won their 2nd consecutive game. Seriously, how often do you see freo sitting 2nd on the ladder???!!!

Let's just hope next week turns out to be a better weekend.

Words

Words are not my strong suit, or I guess to put it more correctly, to say whatever it is that's on my mind, especially when I'm not behind my shield that is msn. I find that to say anything remotely meaningful means attaching some sort of personal tag onto your comments. Because of this, I always find it difficult to translate my feelings into thoughts, to take the plunge and just spit out what it is I want to say, no matter what it is. I am always worried about what might happen, always having second doubts and unable to take that step into the unknown. I just can't accept the idea of risking it all. Instead, I replay what I want to say in my mind over and over again, like a song on loop.

This baggage is always there, and I know that no matter how much wishing away I do, it won't go away. I know I have to overcome this fear for me to get anywhere, but at the moment, I am just helpless. And not even alcohol seems to help - my mind remains crystal clear as always.

Insomnia

This might seem a funny way to notice a thing like this, but I noticed tonight that what you want but can't get is a lot more appealing compared to the same thing that you want but can get. (if that makes any sense)

Over the past couple of weeks I've been dying to get some more sleep, but because I've had a ton of work to do every night, I could never get more than about 6 hours sleep and was really looking forward to sleeping early in the study break. Here I am now though, awake at 3 in the morning and I'm actually finding that I don't feel like sleeping at all. What seemed so appealing to me before has now lost all its appeal.

Perhaps I should really be sleeping though; I'm not really sure what point it is I wanted to make in this post.

Balloons and darts

I feel like I'm playing a game at the moment. I have balloons arranged all nicely in a big, round circle and I'm popping each one with a dart. Left, right, top, bottom. I'm hitting balloons all around the centre balloon but never the centre balloon itself. It's still floating there, right in front of me, waiting to be popped.

I can't bring myself to pop it though, because I'm afraid the bang might hurt my ears.

Stab in the dark

I feel like I'm having a stab in the dark here. I don't really have any idea what is going on - what really is true? what really is not? So many questions, yet I find myself with so little answers.

***

On another note, I just saw how...stupid, if that's the right word, we can be when we let our feelings decide what to do as opposed to our brain. (though I'm not saying we can't act on how we feel sometimes) but even when we know full well the consequences that await us if we choose to do something, we can conveniently disregard this fact and decide to go ahead and do what we were told not to do anyways. Ahhh well, its not me, so let's hope my brother doesn't get owned by my mum tomorrow, which is about as unlikely as the sun rising from the east.

Idiot.

Please, no more

The aftermath from the storm just gets better and better. Even MORE stuff damaged. sigh.
why does it all have to happen when my parents are away?

Changing perceptions

It's funny how the perceptions that you have can change so easily and more importantly, so differently. I've felt two different ends of the scale.

I guess all that matters in the end is which side you look at it from. I'm not standing on the good side at the moment.

Busy busy

It's been awhile again since I last blogged and I have to say I have been flat out trying to fit everything into such a small amount of time. There just isn't enough time in one day to do everything that I have to do and find time to procrastinate and sleep well. I seem to have a never-ending pile of uni work to do, work work, tutoring (and I just got myself another student tonight which might not have been the best idea but hey its another student, yay!) and housework.

On top of all that, there is my dad's stuff that I have to worry about and as if this wasn't enough, there was a freak hail storm on monday that left me with a cracked windscreen, heaps of dents on my car, flooding in my house so now the carpet and ceiling is water damaged and a ton of phone calls to insurance to get everything sorted.

Thankfully, I've managed to get all that sorted out, though I've had (and will need) to skip uni to wait for the people to come and have a look. sigh. all that catching up to do. If only I could somehow split myself into two. Strangely though, I'm just taking it all in even though I feel stressed physically. and I guess it's a good learning experience too, though I'll be glad when I can pass the reins back to my parents when they come back, which can't be soon enough.

***

On an unrelated note, finally.

Lights Off

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
It's you that I'm missing
It's like my brain is wired up
and there's a glitch in my system
You're like a drug and now my blood won't stop itching
I'm in critical condition
someone let me out of this prison
It's like my mind is playing tricks on me lately
I could of sworn that you are still my baby
I'm on a merry-go-round
going around, driving me crazy

That's why it feels like
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
won't somebody, anybody
please just turn the lights on
I won't take one step
I can't see what's coming next
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
can't see at all (at all, at all, at all)
can't see at all (no, oh no)
can't see at all (at all)
cause it's like somebody just turned all the lights off

I don't understand how one minute I just had it all
now I can't reach you cos I'm tied up with this straight jacket on
I can't breathe (breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe)
I can't see (see, see, see, see, see, see, see)
It's like my mind is playing tricks on me lately
I could of sworn that you are still my baby
I'm on a merry-go-round
going around, driving me crazy

That's why it feels like
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
won't somebody, anybody
please just turn the lights on
I won't take one step
I can't see what's coming next
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
can't see at all (at all, at all, at all)
can't see at all (no, oh no)
can't see at all (at all)
cause it's like somebody just turned all the lights off

Used to see my world in color girl
when you left me it's like my world turned gray
turn my winter into summer girl
why won't you help me turn night to day
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think at all
honestly it feels like I ain't living no more
can't say no more, can't see no more

Baby that's why it feels like
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
won't somebody, anybody
please just turn the lights on
I won't take one step
I can't see what's coming next
losing you is like somebody just turned all the lights off
can't see at all (at all, at all, at all)
can't see at all (no, oh no)
can't see at all (at all)
cause it's like somebody just turned all the lights off

Dream a little dream of me

Stars shining bright above you.
Night breezes seem to whisper, 'I love you,'
Birds singing in the sycamore tree.
Dream a little dream of me.

Say nighty-night and kiss me.
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear,
Still craving your kiss.
I'm longing to linger 'till dawn, dear,
Just saying this:

Sweet dreams 'till sunbeams find you,
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams, whatever they be.
Dream a little dream of me.

I quite like this song. Every time I listen to it or catch a snippet of it, it always manages to bring a slight smile to my face.

♫ Dream a little dream of me... ♫

Roll the dice

I'm a pretty cautious and conservative person; I know I avoid taking risks if I can and try to eliminate all or most of the risks so if I lose, it doesn't hurt that much. This usually doesn't work though and I end up just doing nothing because I'm not prepared to risk it all.

This gives me a dilemma then. Just how much am I willing to risk this time when I have a fair idea of what might happen if the dice are rolled?

Don't think, just feel

I wish I could remove the clutter in my mind.

To be able to not think at all, nor find the need to think.
To be able to forget about all that is bothering me nor the things that need to be done.
To be able to just take in everything around me and feel free, even if for a moment only.

Note to self

Stop dwelling on and living in the past; life will keep moving on and no-one is going to stay behind and wait for you.

Look in front, not behind you.

Exhausted

It's only been a week of uni but I already feel so exhausted, both physically and mentally. I can see where the physical side comes in - those late nights and early mornings are making me very tired indeed but I'm not sure as to why I feel mentally fatigued as well. Maybe I'm just falling into that easily irritated mood again because I've found that happening again since uni has started.

I really wish I made more sense but everything seems to be hanging on the edge of my mind, unreachable. I don't seem to be able to translate anything substantial into words.

Or maybe I really just wanted to say that I'm feeling so exhausted right now. Sleeping more doesn't seem to be helping though.

An impersonal apology

"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"

It's something that I guess I haven't really paid attention to recently and I think I've been guilty of doing a particular thing that absolutely frustrates the crap outta me every single time it happens to myself personally (I felt it today but then that's just my take on it).

So here is just a small apology - I'm sorry - even though I know this hardly means anything as it's rather impersonal but some topics are better left untouched, at this moment in time anyways.

Back at uni

Uni started again today and to be honest, overall it was pretty boring really. I came in at 1 and left around 4 (thank god the 2 hr lecture finished early) so I didn't really get to see many people. In between I was struggling to concentrate and stay awake in the lectures and I think I'm gonna dread the many 2 hour lectures and tutes that I have. That's not to say though that my timetable is bad - far from it. I have 3 packed days that go from 8-4/9-5 but I have a day off on wednesday and I finish at 11 on friday. Not bad considering that I'm overloading this semester.

And just to round it off, I want to give a BIG BIG thank you to Kim for giving me her parking permit to use. No more mixing buses and uni ever!

???

I don't think it's something I'll ever understand no matter how long I live.

Just strange.

So, so strange.

An expensive day

Today was a pretty expensive day. I ended up spending around $340 and $100 of it could have been avoided.

For starters I bought an ipod fm transmitter for $80, a bottle of "dolce and gabbanna - the one for men" for $120 and a very satisfying lunch at hog's for $30.

Today was also annie's party at the gold club (happy 19th annie btw) and I decided to save some money and drive so I wouldn't be able to drink. That didn't work out so well because in the end I spent around $60 shouting jen, melinda, angeline and angeline's friend monica on drinks - so much for saving money from drinks.

We (me, budd and alvin) then headed off to the casino (again) after they got kicked out of the gold bar at 9 for wearing sneakers (still don't get why though but the bouncers were a bitch) and I ended up losing $40. I've decided now to never ever go to the casino again, which is a promise that I will keep. I have to admit though, the roulette dealer on my table was rather pretty - half chinese, quarter portugese and british LOL.

So the moral of the story I guess is to stay away from the casino and don't go shouting people drinks when you want to save money. Sigh. There's a lot of saving up to do in the next few weeks.

P.S. Paypal I wish you would hurry up and process my money so I can place my order on topman.

Me or you?

I was feeling rather nostalgic tonight so I ended up trawling through and re-reading some of my msn conversations.

It's something that I've felt and noticed recently, and re-reading these conversations made me realise just how different things seem to be now. I can say for certain that I am not very fond of this "new you" and would rather much have the "old you" back. I feel as though we have drifted apart and I find it hard to sustain any sort of conversation with you now - it's like there is a barrier that has risen up between us, and it doesn't help when the replies I receive hardly encourage a continuation of the conversation.

A part of me does wonder though whether this is all just because me being paranoid - possibly because my/our circumstances are different now - or whether things actually have changed between us.

Is it me or you?

Burswood

I just got back from my first trip to the casino and as one of my friends put it, I am no longer a casino virgin.

So how did I go? I played only on the big and small table and ended up winning $7.50 and adding the $5 I got from joining club burswood, I'm up $12.50! Not bad for a first time I guess though I probably won't be going back anytime soon - there are much better ways to spend your money than at the cas.

Owwww

My back has been killing me these last few weeks. I think it might be from working so many hours at woolies.

Or maybe I'm just getting old.

That feeling

Have you ever had that feeling when you feel empty and hollow inside? It's like there is a big gaping hole inside you and nothing that you do seems to be able to patch that hole up.

You feel unfulfilled with and dissatisfied at life; there doesn't seem to be any purpose in your life. Each day comes and goes - you might be doing different things, but at the end of the day it feels like nothing has really changed and everything is the same.

Ironically though, you seem to enjoy those countless hours spent doing nothing meaningful, and those minutes that you are able to spend by yourself. Deep down though, you know that you want to spend your time meaningfully with company. Yet you are constantly in a state of lethargy, and to summon the energy and enthusiasm required to do this seems to be beyond you. In the end, you do nothing at all, and nothing changes.

Questions

Some questions have no answers.

So stop trying to answer them.

That mood

I've been in this mood for the past week or two now. That mood when you constantly feel agitated, annoyed and every little thing seems to have the ability to just tip you off the edge. It's like my well of patience has somehow deserted me, and it's...well, rare really.

***

On yet another note, nothing much seems to be different does it? It's all really the same and I shouldn't feel surprised at all.

It's true

"i'm waiting"

This post rings so much with me personally that I felt obliged to blog about it.

***

On another unrelated note, a little cold perhaps?

Mistake

Mistakes are only ever worth making if you learn from them and don't repeat them again.

The same mistake twice in two days - I think I need to learn faster than that.

Signals

The signs seem to be all there, but I think I'm stubbornly refusing to acknowledge them. Peer pressure is playing a part I think, and a sense of disbelief that the same events seem to be happening. And all this sparked by getting told some information that, in hindsight, probably shouldn't have been told to me.

As I said before in a previous post, ignorance really is such a blissful thing.

Fast food

After yet another meal from Hungry Jacks, I can say that I am officially sick of fast food and would love nothing more than a proper meal cooked by my mum. Oh how I miss her food at the moment.

I wonder...

The drying of the mouth, the flushing of the face, the redness of the ears while you hear a thumping echo of your heart beating inside them, the abrupt loss of words as your brain goes into overdrive or, to put it simply, the affliction of nervousness.

I wonder just how much of it is really due to external circumstances or whether it's just all enacted inside that head of mine because I've found that it's quite serious - and I need to fix it.

Something new

I think it's something that has happened to us once in awhile. Our attraction to something new, something unknown to us - whether it be a person, thing or event. First there's that initial addiction, that fascination and everything seems good - actually, no, awesome is a more accurate description - and to be heading in the right direction - before we are suddenly yanked back down to earth and the full wave of reality hits us. Everything before was all a big lie, a misconception, a good dream - but a dream that you have to wake up from.

What is it that I'm trying to say? That's something I'm not really sure myself.

I just don't know...

I've been back home for a few days now, and to be honest, having the whole house to myself really hasn't been as interesting as I thought it would be (then again, things rarely are). I've found myself becoming bored pretty easily, feeling alone at times and generally having no aim really each day and just bumming around whittling away the hours.

In between all that, it's also got me into pondering mode again because I really have so much time to waste away and I'm finding myself having an internal struggle I think. On one side is that nagging voice of reason - which is also usually right most of the time and on the other side...hmmm...lets just name it the voice of stupidity and stuck in the middle is, of course, me. Sigh.

I just don't know what it is I want anymore.

Sick

I've been sick for over a week now. First it was just a bad sore throat but now it's turned into a cold/flu and it's starting to really bug me because of how long it's taking me to get better, not to mention the fact that I haven't been able to sleep much tonight (which explains why I've been awake since 5:30) because of a half blocked/half runny nose and countless tissues AND I also missed out on having a japanese buffet. A JAP BUFFET. Damn you germs. Hopefully though, I'll get better really quickly once I get back to Perth and talking about it, my flight is in 7 hrs and I can't wait to get back. (I swear its because of the fact that I'm in Hong Kong that I've been sick for so long)

Anyways...enough blabbing for now and let's just hope I get well quickly.

Discovery

I was walking around the other day in a toy section trying to look for a bumblebee model as a present and then happened to stumble across a section devoted to Gundam models. I think it woke up the kid inside me because now I've decided to, the next time I come back to Hong Kong, save up some money specifically to buy Gundam models. My mum called me crazy but I think it's cool. Oh the joys of being a kid.