Money

Money is something that I do not have a lot of right now. Why do I say this? Because I just bought an 18th present today and all that I am left with is 85c in my bank account. EIGHTY FIVE CENTS. AND I had to borrow money from a mate to finish buying everything for the present. OH THE SHAME. I would have never imagined myself to be so...money-less. Thank god pay day is just around the corner.

Cat and mouse

It feels like a game of cat and mouse. Hiding, running, chasing. All that's left is the pounce at the end.

Glass

Is the glass half full or half empty? To be an optimist or a pessimist? I think it's all up to ourselves personally what it is that we choose to be. Which one though, is better? To always have hope and expect the best or to be negative and expect the worst?

I think I am one of those optimistic types. Sometimes, I think I am too optimistic. I seem to retain hope even though deep down, I know full well I should forget about it because it won't happen ever. It's funny though, because even though I know how pointless it is to keep on hoping, I seem to do it anyways. I suppose there is no harm in hoping. Is there?

Smeared Paint

It's like the paint on a painting that has been smeared. The colours that used to be discernible are now all blurred and messy, and I can no longer pick out each distinct colour.

I thought I was so sure of myself and what it was, but just like the painting, I think it's all becoming blurred and the smears are increasing. I hope I can return the clarity. And quickly.

Unwanted

There is so much I want to say, yet so little of it actually passes through me. All those words, they seem to dry up in my throat, and all I am left with is that unwanted silence. I just wish it would go away.

I want to...

I want to hide that great big sleeve of mine. I always seem to wave it around like a flag.

Time for miracles

Time for miracles by Adam Lambert. It's my new favourite song that has been on repeat in my Itunes in recent days. I'm finding that every time I listen to it, I seem to get a strange and funny feeling inside me. It's hard to put into words what it is exactly that I feel and I don't really know why; maybe it's the lyrics, maybe it's the music or maybe it's something entirely different but what I do know is this.

Miracles. I think it's something that we all want some of.

Oh and listen to the song - you won't be disappointed.

I wonder...

My mind has been drifting again today. All those thoughts bunched up inside, like a cup brimming with water, threatening to overflow its edges. Above it all though, stands a single thought.

Is there something called being too nice? Is that even possible?

That is something I would like to find out.

Expectations

Expectations.

Something that I think I have way too much of. I seem to have it for everything. Such high hopes, yet I think every time I am left feeling disappointed. What is it that I don't understand? Don't have any expectations, and you save yourself the pain of being disappointed.

I swear expectations will be the death of me.

Happiness

Happiness always seems to feel so fleeting, so brief. It's almost as if it wasn't there in the first place.

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And on another note, my internet has been shaped AGAIN. FOR TEN LONG DAYS. FML.

Circles

I feel as though I am going around in circles. Like a car stuck in a roundabout, going round and round, with no way out.

I want to find the exit, and get out.

The Game

I started re-watching How I Met Your Mother last night and one of the scenes really made an impression on me the second time round. It was when Ted was throwing parties every night just so he could get a chance to see Robin, yet he was pretending not to care and making it casual because it was all "part of the game". This made me think, why is it that we have to play "the game"? Why do we let ourselves be bound by these rules? Why do we have to act like we don't care and be nonchalant when what we want and feel is the complete opposite? Is it really the best thing for us to do?

I don't know. Perhaps it might be a good idea to throw away these rules and be free.

In the end, if you never try, you never know.

Love

What is love?

I was having a heated discussion last night on what love really was and whether "the one" and true love really existed. Did it only ever happen in the scripts of Hollywood? I have to say I am one of those people that believe that true love exists and fairy-tales can happen, albeit only for those of us who are lucky enough to find it. And what about "the one"? I think that "the one" does exist - we just have to have faith and keep looking. He or she is out there somewhere. Everything might not happen like it does in the movies; there might be more hurdles and barriers we have to cross but I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel.

And love? To me, love is something wonderful and beautiful. It can make you immeasurably sad but at the same time, give you immense joy and happiness. Like a double-edged sword you could say. Love is not something that is easily gotten. Love has the ability to cheer you up even when you are down. Love is when you get a smile to your face just by being together with her. Love is when you don't want to say goodbye to her ever. Love is when you start missing her right after you have said goodbye. But most of all, love is when you accept and love her for who she is, the good and the bad, her qualities and her flaws. Because to you, she is perfect.

I don't like it...

I just realised that I could rage in my blog!! All that pent up frustration and anger I accumulate can be released right here! I think I am warming to this whole blog idea very nicely.

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I don't like it when you don't reply. Stop playing around.

My very first blog post

After weeks of deliberation and thinking, I have finally made an effort to get myself a blog. The idea of a blog had appealed to me several weeks back because a blog, in my reckoning, would have allowed me a place where I could let out everything on my mind. So without further ado, let us begin.

Recently, I have had alot of things on my mind and the major issue (I guess you could call it "issue") that has been concerning me is proving to be a real headache. I can hardly stop thinking about it and me being me, am also letting the issue affect my mood. I know it's unhealthy and I have been told I "pms" too much but I really can't help it. I am who I am. It also doesn't help that I am on holidays at the moment, which gives me way too much time alone to contemplate and usually in my case, over-think matters way too much and over-complicate everything. Apart from giving me a headache, this whole issue has made me realise just how indecisive and fickle I can be. I have always known myself to be indecisive and prone to changing but the way I have treated the issue has, I guess, been surprising to myself.

Maybe the issue really is quite simple to solve; one of my friends said to me: it is either this or that or neither. But things in life are never ever that simple; sometimes, I just wish it was.

And so ends my first blog post. Let's hope that this is not a one off thing and I will have the effort to continue blogging.