Cluttered thoughts

And now for my second post.

I'm not sure how to start this second post. There has just been so much on my mind again that I'm not sure where to begin; I can't seem to translate my thoughts into words. I've been feeling a mixture of emotions lately - a bit of everything and it's addling my head.

I'm also feeling conflicting...feelings? (I know I am not making much sense right now) Like a part of me wants to change and I feel so sure it is the right thing to do but then some self doubt creeps in and I am not so sure anymore. It's frustrating because I don't know exactly what it is I want and should do. Do I follow the rules or do the opposite because it just does not seem to be working at the moment? Hell, would either way even work? Maybe I am taking too much...advice and complicating matters (once again).

Something else that is bothering me at the moment is my...what is a good way to describe it? Laziness? Though not exactly in the conventional way I guess. I know I haven't been putting in a major effort and I know nothing ever happens if you don't make it happen but I think I am being rather stubborn. I think I dislike always having to initiate everything yet I know it is exactly what I have to do.

I really have so much packed inside that head of mine, theories and all, it's just transferring that into actions that seems to be the hardest part.

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And one more thing, gut feelings. I think they are usually correct. Agreed?